This blog post is all about “Are Homemakers Doormats?”
Yesterday, a close cousin of mine and I had a deep 3-hour conversation on how society views homemakers/stay-at-home moms. I am a Homemaker myself; I love it, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but from the outside perspective, it may seem like I have no freedom, that I am depressed and oppressed. Relying on someone, especially a man, is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
Most of society views it as a degrading position or that you’re leeching off your husband. They think you have zero skills to contribute to society or, most notably, the economy. That you have no drive to strive for a career, I mean, you could’ve been the next Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates, but instead, you chose to stay home and pour your time and energy into your husband and kids, lameeee.
The Feminist Movement
Honestly, the feminist movement had so much to contribute to creating this negative mindset around being a homemaker (housewife or stay-at-home mom). While I do believe the feminist movement started on the right path, a lot of its purpose is lost. When the feminist movement began, it was based on giving women more freedom, “the right to choose,” most notably the right to vote. Which is an amazing freedom that the feminist movement has conquered.
While many women would prefer and choose to work, there are also many women who long to be a homemaker. Not every woman wants to be a “boss babe” just because that’s the norm. If you mention how you would like to be a stay-at-home wife or worse, if you say you want to be submissive to your husband, it is suddenly frowned upon.
But what happened to the feminist movement being about giving women the freedom to choose whether they would prefer to work or not? Why is being a “boss babe” and putting career first praised while deciding to stay at home not? What I have gathered from the current movement is that if you do not hate men, especially masculine men, you’re antifeminist, you’re being oppressed, or you’re a menace to society.
But here, let’s dive into the question.
“Are Homemakers Doormats?”
Doormat – “a person easily mistreated, imposed on, exploited.”
or
“a person who accepts being treated badly and does not complain.”
Short answer. No. Not at all.
Can we still have opinions? Yes.
Do we have a say in significant matters? Of course, but the head of the household has the final say. (If you live in a Christian home.)
The first thing you might say when reading the second question is… “see; you are doormats; you don’t have a say because it’s your husband who ends up deciding!!” Yes, our husbands have the final say but did you catch where we are also putting our two cents in there? As Homemakers, our two cents significantly impact and influences our husband’s decision-making. A huge responsibility lies on our husbands’ shoulders to make the right choice. They have to think about the physical, financial, and emotional well-being of their wife and/or their children.
We can still say yes or no to whether we want to do something. We don’t have to agree with every single thing our husbands say or choose to do. And that is a great freedom that God has given us to be able to have different opinions. People often think that the Modern Homemaker is forced into this lifestyle by their husband, which is far from the truth. In order to live life traditionally, there must be a mutual agreement.
Are Homemakers oppressed? No.
Why is it that just because we don’t bring a check that is taxed is considered oppressed? If you decide to stay at home, you’re automatically seen as an individual who lives in a harsh and manipulative environment. Everyone thinks your husband doesn’t give you money or constantly mistreats you. Which, in fact, is quite the opposite. Husbands who long for this lifestyle know what it takes to have a woman who cares for him, the children, and the household chores. They treat her with love and respect, and delight in their wife. And again, most homemakers chose to be homemakers. Homemakers want to take care of their homes and family, which is rewarding and fulfilling.
Now is that the case for all Homemakers? No.
I understand the point when women, especially moms, encourage their daughters not to rely on their husbands for everything, especially money. And I wholeheartedly believe it comes from a loving heart and mindset. They might have struggled with an abusive husband who did oppress them instead of appreciating and loving them. So, of course, if they had to go through this, they definitely would not want their daughter to go through the same thing.
Do Homemakers have freedom? More than we should have 😉
I have more freedom now than when I worked 12–20-hour days or an 8-4 job. I have the freedom to enjoy and discover new hobbies. The freedom to be able to go anywhere I want when I want. I have the freedom to express my needs and wants without thinking I am going to get fired. The freedom to express myself however I want, whether that is through my cooking, baking, or decorating. Yes, Homemakers have the freedom to do many things!
While it isn’t freedom to constantly travel to Dubai or Europe, it’s a freedom and a privilege that brings me true joy. Having the freedom to get a cup of coffee at my local coffee shop at midday brings me much more joy than speed eating during my 30-minute lunch break at work. I come up with my daily schedule, and I can choose what to do every day, which is the freedom I believe many long for.
Conclusion
I know for Modern Society, the thought of a woman desiring to stay home is mind-boggling. The idea of someone wanting to dedicate their time to cooking, baking, cleaning, staying home, and caring for the home rubs people the wrong way. A woman who works 80+ hour weeks isn’t automatically superior to a woman who prefers to stay home. Just because homemakers don’t clock in and out every day doesn’t mean they do absolutely nothing. There is so much work to do at home, and it’s work that Homemakers find enjoyable and rewarding!
To answer the question again, “Are Homemakers Doormats?” absolutely not. They receive deep respect, appreciation, and love from their husbands. 99% of Homemakers prefer to live traditionally and are likely not oppressed.
